Fight and Memories
by Primande
Summary: Abruptly, every single memory he had put so much effort into hiding deep down inside him came flooding back to him: his mother stroking his hair and murmuring words of comfort when he was six and was still afraid of thunder; his father teaching him the basics of flying; Chewbacca holding him up in the air. Laughs. Hugs. Love. Light.


**A/N: Hey there ! Just a casual lover of Star Wars, who watched every single movie a dozen of times. I didn't expect much from the new movie, and it simply blew my mind. And of course, I couldn't help shipping the hell out of Rey and Kylo. So I decided to write this one-shot, which I'm not entirely satisfied of, but that I had to share with you guys. Warning: this is angsty. And sad. Hope you'll like it anyhow.**

Snoke was truly ugly. Kylo Ren had never realized before, but his skin was so altered that he didn't even seem human. His eyes only reflected his pure hatred mixed with a bit of perversion.

 _How did this man manage to convince me to turn to the Dark side ?_

The thought baffled him. He had never wondered such a thing before, partially because the Dark side had always seemed like an evidence. But now, doubt shadowed his mind.

And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Snoke was torturing his mother. Or at least that was what Kylo was trying to be convinced of.

Her piercing screams echoed in his ears and he suddenly wanted to put his hands over them. Abruptly, every single memory he had put so much effort into hiding deep down inside him came flooding back to him: his mother stroking his hair and murmuring words of comfort when he was six and was still afraid of thunder; his father teaching him the basics of flying; Chewbacca holding him up in the air. Laughs. Hugs. Love.

Light.

And then suddenly, among those memories, came the voice of Snoke.

 _She's never loved you. He's never here for you. Your uncle… He doesn't see your potential. You will never be as powerful as your grandfather if you continue down this path. I understand you. Come to me. Be my son._

But he realized now that Snoke had never considered him his son.

 _Ben._

 _Stop this._

Another voice came. A voice he was familiar with. _Her_ voice.

When he looked at her, she was also staring at him, with a strange mix between determination and despair. Strangely, he understood everything she was trying to tell him, even without using their bond.

 _This is your last chance. If you let your own mother die, there's no redemption for you. Save her._

 _I can't._ That was his first thought. The one he always had when it came to returning to the Light. _It's too late._

"Kylo Ren."

The authoritative voice of Snoke compelled him to look at his master. He forced himself not to look at his mother, who was lying on the floor, on the edge of unconsciousness.

"Finish her."

"Master?"

He immediately hated himself for this moment of hesitation.

"There's no room for cowards in the ranks of the Knights of Ren, Kylo. It's her… or you."

One absurd thought came to him: _I'm glad Hux is not here._

Then he felt the oppressing presence of Snoke in his mind, obstructing everything. He saw himself, eating alone in his bedroom because his mother had important meetings to attend and his father had a vital deal to conclude somewhere across the galaxy. He saw his fellow Padawans mocking him because of his social disorders. He saw the look of disappointment on the face of his father, as if thinking: _I can't believe this failure is my son._ He saw himself crying every single night, feeling terribly lonely and wretched.

Among the darkness came a single flicker of light. He would have recognized it anywhere. _Rey_.

She was trying to push Snoke out of his mind. When he opened his eyes, he saw her, her face contorted with pain and concentration. He also saw his mother. He was now towering her, and his lightsaber was drawn, ready to strike her. As if it was burning him, he dropped it on the floor, horrified by the look on Leia's face. She was looking at him as if she never knew him. But the thing that horrified him was the pure fear in her eyes.

Among the terrible fight that took place inside his mind, one thought came from him.

 _No mother should be afraid of her son._

Meanwhile, he felt Rey starting to win over Snoke. He felt like his brain had suddenly become a battlefield, with every opponent fighting with all their might to win even the smallest part of it. He felt like a stranger, as if he was merely witnessing the terrible fight between light and darkness. A strange succession of memories came, sad and happy all mixed together.

The vicious joy of cutting open every single one of Luke's apprentices.

His mother kissing him good night, whispering: "I love you, Ben."

The intoxicating feeling of power when he had watched an entire galaxy reduced to ashes by the Starkiller base.

Playing hide-and-seek with his father at the age of ten.

Reading the archives of the Empire, daydreaming about his grandfather.

Being in love for the first time. With Rey.

And suddenly, he focused only on those memories. The first time they kissed. How they seem to fit perfectly together, like she had been for him and he for her. Her hand on his cheeks, whispering words of love. All those moments that they lived together, whether in reality or in their shared dreams.

Without even realizing it, he started fighting. With Rey. Against Snoke. He wasn't even trying to win, he just couldn't help it. He felt the Darkness slowly fading away, and he felt the intoxicating softness of the Light flooding through his veins. It was extremely painful and he suddenly knew that he would never have been able to do that if it wasn't for the reassuring presence of Rey.

With one last strangled cry, he managed to force Snoke out his head. He felt lightheaded afterwards and awfully disoriented. The Darkness, the only thing that had anchored him to reality, during so many years, was now gone. He felt hollow, as if a vital part of him was now missing.

In the distance, he heard a shriek of pure rage.

" I will kill you."

 _Kill me, then. End me. I've won. We've won._

He didn't fear Snoke anymore. His eyes were closed and he took a deep breath, awaiting death as a very old man would, like an old friend that he still feared a little. But instead of feeling the burning pain of a lightsaber thrust through his body, he heard a scream of agony.

 _Rey._

When he opened his eyes, he saw her, eyes wide open, holding a question she didn't ask. He could feel the pain radiating from her body, her hand trying to reach for him, but failing. His lightsaber was in the hands of Snoke, and he had thrust it through Rey's lithe body.

"No…"

He didn't even know how he had managed to say this single word, because it felt to him that his throat was so constricted that he couldn't breathe anymore. When Rey fell to her knees, he was there to catch her, completely ignoring Snoke's evil laugh.

"Rey… I'm going to get you to a doctor, okay? Just stay with me."

Even he knew that his words were hollow, and that even if he managed to get her to a doctor, she would never survive her wound.

 _Ben. Listen to me._

Her voice resounded in his mind, and he understood that she didn't have the strength to speak aloud.

 _You mustn't let the darkness win._

He was a bit disappointed. He knew he was being selfish, but he had hoped for something a bit more personal, after everything they shared.

"I love you."

His voice was laced by desperation, like this three words would magically solve everything. And they already had, in some twisted kind of way. He saw her beautiful hazel eyes fill with unshed tears as she answered:

"I know."

And then the light was gone in her eyes.

 **A/N: Phew. Wasn't easy to write, especially since English isn't my first language and I'm no professional writer, only an enthusiastic 18-year-old fan of Star Wars who grew up with this saga. I hope my mistakes weren't too obvious, if so, it's not by lack of re-reading ! Do not hesitate to drop a review if it's constructive and not insulting. Maybe I'll see you again for another OS !**


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